WHAT WORRIES ME THE MOST ABOUT THE FUTURE ?

I think I'm most concern about my future job. What would i do for a living? Is my job supporting the lifestyle that i want. 

Am i happy in this distant future . That is a million of questions that i have for my future.The thing is you will never have an answer for something that is this intangible.

I am worried about a lot of stuff. 

I hope that whatever difficulty i face in the future i would hold courage and faith near my heart. I worry about my grandma. How is she? Is she still here with me? How am i doing without her ? I hope that i can pull through everything with my head strong.

Honestly i worry about lots of different random stuff. For example when i am walking on the roadside would a car just crash into me. My family medical history is filled with cancer, sometimes i would also wonder if maybe one day it would be my turn. 

I think the thought of me running out of time to experience life worries me the most.

What could be the worst, not having to love someone to the point where you are not just a self-absorbed human being. I want to try and experience that.

I have not yet found my soulmate. Someone that i can trust 100 percent. With a look, he/she would know what i am thinking. A best friend but more than that, a relationship that can withstand the torment of time.

If i were to die know i would missed out on a lot of things that i could have experience. 

I have not yet meet the love of my life. 

I have not yet have the experience of being a mother. I heard it is life changing yet beautiful experience.

I want to see the world. 

There is a lot of things that i have not done yet. Sometimes the constant worrying of the ever happening scares me. Still, i believe that one day i would complete these time as a go through life.

I believe it is human nature to worry about the inevitable and the blank. Sometimes it can be a fun experience. It is life so lets experience this feeling, emotion, sensation with an open heart.

love, 

kahyee

WHO AM I ?

This question is quite hard. Sometimes even i forget my identity as myself. I know it sounds strange how can you forget you’re self. you are constantly with you. It might come as strange but sometimes you get a little lost in this playground called life. It is hard to separate yourself sometimes from everything that is going on. Not to mention, you have so much people around constantly telling you that you are this you are that.

So the me right now is going to answer that question, maybe i occasionally would still get lost. Yet, there are still things that remain in this ever changing state. I am a girl with a love for books and novel. I like to be in my own world, to think to wonder. More in details about myself i love television shows, movies and the list goes on. 

Anything that have a story is basically my love. Did i mention i have big loves for vampire dairies i can watch the whole season 1- 6 in one go again and i will still be entertain. Speaking of which i waiting for season 7 episode 3 to come out …. 

Mannnn…

I LOVE LOVE VAMPIRE DAIRIES!!!

What else about me…

I treat relationship seriously. To me, i want a relationship that is genuine that is something of substance. Not just something that is for fun. I know i sound like someone over forty years of age, but i find something in true relationship; nice and precious. Even if we may not end up together at least you know we tried. At the very least we love from the bottom of our hearts. Maybe my views of love is too innocent, too young, too immature but for now this is what i hold dear.

Oh and i might be crazy… said my precious devil-like baby sister

Yeah .. Amazing sisterly love we have there. Anyways i have always find myself filled with contradiction. I can be this confident girl that is daring and willing to try anything while on the other hand i am this girl that is not good with people, introvert. Just wanting to spend time alone with myself. 

Strange, Is it ?

I think so too. Sometimes i also feel like i am a little bit insane. Lets be real, i feel like majority of the population are partly insane in some way. 

Right....Or maybe it is just me ...

Anyways with love kahyee

Do you ever have those days that you just feel so exhausted to the point which makes you want to do nothing. Just stare at the emptiness in front of you. The feeling that we all know  so well , the feeling of being lethargic. 

There is always something at the back of my head that nags me to get my shit together. So i did , i took a shower and get myself together. I think this is the case of me not having enough alone time with myself. Which brings me this solution. Tomorrow i am going to have a loner party.  The only one that is invited is me myself and i .

Moving on i just decided to google questions that i should asked myself. At the top of the list is a link that states, the thirty question that i need to start asking myself. I think it is pretty interesting list. So i decided that i would asked them to myself while writing my answer over here.

It should be a pretty fun experience to have. 

Recently, my counsellor  have invited me to create an artwork so that they can put up on the roadshow. I have decide that i wanted to accept it and see how it goes for me. Maybe i can learn new things about myself. It have been so long since i have taken up art again. I hope i can produce something fun, so it would not be a humiliation to my art student background. 

we will see what we get from there.

Till next time , love kahyee

# LIFE

I feel like lately its so chaotic . I am not the type that really care about people thoughts and views about me . My rule of thumb for making friends , is only to have true genuine friend only . This period in my life i feel like i have been more conscious about me and myself as well as others too much. From this I guess you pretty much pick up that i have some trouble with my "friend". I have no idea what the hell of a phase i am going through but i will have faith in my own heart that i will grow through this .

I will come out stronger from this. I can not force people to see the good in me . If they cant see it its their lost , i will same my care and trust to someone that deserve it. Still, i hope one day i am able to find my soul mate. Soulmate as in friends that can connect in a deeper meaning a real relationship. Rather something superficial , something true that can last through the hardship of time. To add i am still not ready for romantic relationship , so i guess i will wait for the right time. When both my heart and soul is mature enough to have a romantic relationship. Anyways i am going off point , but my point is that someday i will reach there ; my own personal milestone.

JUST YOU WAIT !!!

 The goal for now is to focus on myself . Exploring and finding my own identity in this somewhat chaotic world of mine. You know maybe this could be a new self discovery path to growth and maturity. I sincerely hope i am right. For now i am seeing the school counsellor , and sorting everything . Things have been crazy. For starters, my grandma who literally raised me have terminal cancer.

I know it in my heart that life have it up and down. Right now, I just want to go through all this with a calm and open mind. It is a natural course of action that life will go through . Right now i try to treasure her days her with me the best i can , the best i could. After writing this i feel much better. Just a moment ago i was feeling down , now i think i got my strength back.

GO KAHYEE!!!!

It is truly strange whenever i feel frustrated , writing always able to release this negative energy.

GO GURL POWER !!!

ANYWAYS, New years are coming sooon. This sista really need her holidays but before that i have to slay the dragon called project. I am sure i will get through this just fine , like always i need to have good mindset and put my mind to do it. It is going to be fine !!  I CAN DO IT !!!!

With love Kahyee :)

-katherine ho kahyee

Update , and other stuff <♡♥

So this is an update i guess...i have been thinking of doing reviews of products that i have used , that are my fravourite or that i dislike  . It will probably be up soon .Also i will also be uploading randomn post of randomn stuff , well its not like i have not upload randomn post .

This is happening because i will be using this app that just give me randomn topics to write on . Sort of like practising my writing skills , because my tense and grammer are crappy and by practising i hope i can improve on my writings skills , plus with this  i can write understand more of myself , so yeah <♡

Enough of updates , recently my mother has been obsessing over the fact that i have to sleep early . Honestly sometimes i wish i could but the truth is i am a night owl.

In the  day im like totally on full blown procrastinator state, unmotivatednat all .  Just do not feel like doing anything other than sit in front of my computer watch english television shows , runningman , manga , anime , eat , and stare blank into the openess . Of course that is when im at home , though at school i am quite focus . ;0

Anyways at night /evening its different , i feel like i can concentrade better focus more and think better , its quiteter too. Often then not , i start my homework at around evening , at times when i have tons of homework or i got to revise for test . It usually drags to 1am to 2 am ...

Tee hee..

I know it is all excuses :p

I understand what she getting at though , i know staying up late but...you know :p its like smoking ,i guess. You know its bad but you still ended up smoking  ..heh heh
Just to be clear , i am not smoking but my grandma smokes so i kind of understand . Plus i hate the smell of smoke , i have been living with my grandma from time to time . So , yeah ....

Then again i will try to sleep early , probably ..

Well , i am going to have my n level soon pretty nervous about that too . So will upload as much as i can before that period when i have absolutetly no time at all . For my future i have a direction where i want to go .

I love books especially this that belongs in the fantasy romance ,supernature genre , novel (english or chinese ) and i love writing definatly not a journalist or a news broadcaster.  I dont think i have the material for it but i want to have a job that is ralated to books or writing .

In my previous post , i did mention that i wanted to enter teacher , for now the option remains open but i am still thinking if i have the patient and passion for teaching like i thought i have . I may or may not have it, still figuring it out . One thing for sure is that i want a job where i enjoy and are  comfortable in .

So i got an idea where i am going , let see where life take us , for the time being i will workhard ^^

Fighting !!!

-katherinehokahyee

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Myself at age seven

I do not remember much about myself at age seven but there is this one incident i probably never forget . From what i recall at that time it was my first day of primary school , i was primary one . It was a combination of nervousness and anticipation , everything went by in a blur .

Except for that incident that happen in the toilet , i was washing my hands after i have finish my business . When suddenly out of no where a pair of hands grab me by the shoulder and pull me into the stalls . It was a indian girl that was obviously taller than be probably a primary 6 student , she push me against the side of the toilet stall position herself at the door blocking my only escape route .

She said : "give me your money ."
I did the exactly opposite of what normal people would do when i reply "sorry , i cant " thinking back ,Surprisngly she did not beat the shit out of me . If i were the robber i probably do just that , but then again the fear of being beaten or even the idea of being beaten have not cross my mind when i refused her. Well i was a slow kid back then .

She begged "please , just give me your money , i have no money "
she went on to show me her empty wallet to back up herself , which was just straight up strange .
"Sorry i cant "i knew that if i gave her my one dollar , i would have to starve . Back then my family was not well of . My pocket money was just one dollar enough for a bowl of porriage and that was my lunch .

Just then a voice eco , i dont who that voice belongs to , let just say my memory was a little fuzzy , but it probably belongs to my teacher that came looking for me . It manage to scare the indian girl who ran away as soon as she heard the voice and i was saved by the bell , literally or should i say save by the voice .

Though we did take it up to the principal but the girl was never caught . I wonder how is that indian girl doing , i wonder as i wrote this if she will remember me if we were to stood face to face ...

And to think i was all hyped up for my first day of school , and then i was robbed . Perfect ...

By katherinehokahyee

Posted via Blogaway

Posted via Blogaway

It have been forever since i posted but quite proud of myself for not just abandoning the blog writing and i am personally guilty of wanting to start a journal and then giving up afterwards ..

I feel that what really motivated me to actually write and stuff is when i'm inspire or in a very emotional place etc. pissed / hot mess :P

Anyways i also write poems in my thumblr account : http://www.tumblr.com/blog/iluvandy

 

lately , i have been good namely not bad , been trying out different things . I guess 2014 will be a start of something new and special , well that s what i felt like anyways ..

Guess what i'm the vice - chair of the class which is kinda special and peculiar from what i normally do which is what i wanted . I normally tend to shy away from leadership roles or any responsibility in class namely because i am lazy and think that managing people is pain in the ass /troublesome which i still do but working on a different mindset .

I want to try new thing , take up new roles have a feel , a experience of being a leader . Smile a little more , learn to love myself , treat myself right and to believe in what i am ,  not what people think i should be . Its what a new year does to you , make you want to move on .

Art has been bugging me the coursework A.K.A the preparatory study is stressful and doesn't really allow much of the moving-on-your-own-pace , which i am used to when i do art .

I mean come on art needs time ! -p

oh , i have recently been to a musical where my school organized and produced it was generally okay but meh for my taste . so we also have lots maybe not lote but a few i was thinking to stay of those performance since after the musical my wallet is feeling lighter than before but well seeing as my friend -classmate -sorta best friend are like urging us to buy the ticket for the band performance and i have never really been to a band performance .

so i was like hmmm okay sure , why not :O plus my teacher are kinda the band teacher/ instructor so gotta support :Lately , i have been good namely not bad , been trying out different things . I guess 2014 will be a start of something new and special , well that s what i felt like anyways ..

Guess what i'm the vice - chair of the class which is kinda special and peculiar from what i normally do which is what i wanted . I normally tend to shy away from leadership roles or any responsibility in class namely because i am lazy and think that managing people is pain in the ass /troublesome which i still do but working on a different mindset .

As always love yourself , remember that out of the million sorta sperms you won the race and you are freaking awesome , amazing and unique :P

-katherine ho kahyee