do humans need belief ?

 The thing is i am agnostic that i have tried to be in religion to feel a sense of belonging a holy being that purifies all evil and the sinned one could be forgiven but every time i returned from church i realised i often use logic to contradict myself over the beliefs of god . 

And that's what struck me its impossible for me to be christian Cox i don't know  the things that pour out of the bible is really true but genuinely in my heart theres a part that wish i would believe in god . I will definitely be a goody two shoes if I'm christian like no vulgarities  though i generally don't speak them but occasionally slip when you know when life is giving you crap .

   

I think humans need some sort of faith or belief to carry on moving and living  sometimes people get it from their religion. it necessary to have some sort of force to enforce the thin line between good and bad with the temptation to make a mistake and end up with the consequences of a life time.

For me i don't have a religion . The thing that keeps me going  have to firm and strong so when i was really young i search for this sense of belonging in groups , religion and other stuff. The strange thing is everyone is strangely built and different in their own way to blend in i have to sacrifices my personality my character to fit in .

I feel anger , depressed , sad , fear and it hurt to fit in .It hurt to do stuff that i don't like , yet i still feel the endless pit growing in me maybe for some religion fill that pit . 

For a while it did but whenever i got home i still feel lonely i  still this black bottomless pit that eats into my soul . I'm disgusted of myself so much that its repulsive but o found my belief or rather my principal of life . 

                      I WANT TO BE HAPPY 

I know its a simple wish but theres  alot of  people so unhappy upset with anger at their life .I want to change I'm not gotta lie on my death bed leaving this world sad and unhappy still anger at this world . 

At that time struggling to fit in and being unhappy lonely with no friends , I'm not gotta saw my wings , my happiness because of others . life is only so short should i spend every single second dreading , regretting that i have not being myself but another clone  , another follower .

I know everyone is beautiful in their own ways i want to be happy and comfortable with me :)

In this world when common sense doesn't always make sense with anger , hatred , terror in this ugly world i hope that more people wouldn't take their life so easily because they just make life seem so expendable . you haven't make even a footprint so this big big world are you gotta  just die like that .

It kinda hurts that i wish i could have done something , it make me feel my effort the wish to  help so insignificant .  so in this world where death is a easy way out of this ugly yet maybe beautiful world , i want to be happy .I want to experience love , i want to be a mother , i want to have someone love for who i am , i want to be happy .

p/s I'm sorry for not updating :!