I am really scared of a lot of things. It is a simple “joy” as humans to be afraid of a lot of things. I am scared of dying without ever doing what i wanted in life. There is more where this comes from but what i am really scared of.
That is a difficult question.
What i am really afraid of is that in this whole vast earth of ours. I would not find a single person that love me for who i am. That treasured my opinions and my horrible habits. That will love my every crook and curves even the bad ones. I am scared of not being loves by my loved ones.
Simply, because I craved affection. From young, the things that were craved in my bones were discipline. I was not showered with love, but enforced with disciple that were craved into my bones with cane.
Not to mention, the fact i am from an asian family. Their love language were not expressed openly with words, hugs or kisses. I craved the affection of a soulmate, not necessary a lover but someone that could read me like a open book. I meant, guys raise you're hands if you have a person that knows you more than you know yourself.
I probably have more deep fears that i ever know consciously. Sometimes it is strange just by writing down ones feelings, thoughts and emotions. You learn more about yourself that you ever knew. I wonder if there is a word for this. Each time i find this self-discovery new yet exciting.
Back to the point, of my deepest fear. I think in time my list will most likely change…
With love, kahyee
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